A Case of You trailer review

[TWO STARS]

Usually, when a movie is named after a song I go: “Bleh.” But this film is named after a very good Joni Mitchell song, so that’s less of a Bleh. But hold on—A Case of You isn’t completely blehless. No, not by a long shot. The bleh of this film comes from the plot itself.

Justin Long plays a hapless, romantically confused young writer who falls in love with a girl. And wouldn’t you know it (and God bless the digital age!) he finds her Facebook profile, learns all about what she likes, and then sculpts himself into her ideal man. Sound familiar? Yea, that’s because this is approximately 75% of rom coms. Person A wants Person B so Person A changes himself into Person C but when Person B finds out Person C is actually Person A there’s drama and then it turns out Person B really liked Person A better all along. It’s sweet really. A “be yourself” sort of message.

That it’s been done a million times aside, my main problem with these kinds of stories is: would Person B ever have given Person A the time of day if Person A hadn’t been Person C? Probably not. So the subtext is that there truly is a reason to not be who you are—it gets you in the door. Is that actually good message? I dunno. I suppose in some sense it’s realistic. But all that aside, this plot has been done so many fucking times I don’t even care about this movie.

A Case of You gets two stars. And I’m only being this generous because I really like Joni Mitchell. Also because Peter Dinklage is in it.

Metallica Through the Never trailer review

[ONE AND 1/2 STARS]

The refrain of “Enter Sand Man,” one of Metallica’s quintessential songs, is this:

Exit light

Enter light

Take my hand

Off to Never Never Land.

Now imagine you take those few lines and think, “Hey, what if we made a movie about those lyrics?” and then you actually make that movie. You’d probably wind up with something very close to Metallica Through the Never, a film that, like so many rock films before it, looks like an hour and a half long music video.

The plot is that some young Metallica roadie is sent on a mission to get something for the band. But when he heads out into the world he finds an apocalyptic hellscape, obviously inspired by the dark world-view Metallica wants you to think it has. Incidentally, during the apocalypse, there’s a Metallica concert going on, and whenever Metallica plays one of their big hits, it corresponds to a moment of intense action or drama in the young roadie’s quest. Perfect!

Now, if you’re like me, you’re thinking, “I dunno, this plot sounds kind of thin,” — never fear! Metallica Through the Never is in 3D and the trailer promises that “This fall 3D has never felt so heavy.”

Actually, on second thought, that sounds horrible. I hate carrying heavy 3D.

I give Metallica Through the Never one and a half stars. I actually have a soft spot for the band, but I get the overwhelming sense that this particular film will do nothing for me except give me a headache and make me wish I was watching a Woody Allen film.

The History of Future Folk

Maybe it’s because I like bluegrass, Maybe it’s because I like aliens, but The History of Future Folk looks super charming. It looks and feels like an indie rom com but has a far more original and interesting plot than most indie rom coms.

Here’s the plot. Two aliens decide to invade earth but when they discover earth’s music they start a bluegrass band instead. Delightful. Of course, problems emerge. The aliens become successful, gain a following of devoted fans, and then become subject to the scrutiny many celebrities come under when they experience a meteoric rise to fame.

These aliens don’t have SS numbers, they don’t have a past (Mainly because they’re aliens from a different planet) and this presents a problem to people who care about stuff like that. But hopefully, as is normally the case in stories like these, music will beat the odds and help bring people together, and perhaps — just perhaps, the universe will be made a nicer place to live in.

I give The History of Future Folk three stars. This trailer made me a believer in the all-encompassing power of intergalactic bluegrass.